The million dollar question…I am?
“I am”. These are undoubtedly the two most powerful words. For what words follow them define you as a person. They become your reality. They become the mirror that reflects up to what depths you have discovered yourself.
I’m glad that all the bloggers out there are answering this million dollar question in their most creative and unique ways. Well I was going to settle with a line( like we’ve been asked), however I don’t think I’ll be doing justice to myself if I keep the poem unheard.
I am the girl next door with that peaceful look
resembling a sea so calm.
Battling countless raging storms within
floating on surface with grace and charm.
I am a constantly traveling soul with books worldwide
with a gloriously messed up brain.
Willing to devour every second of this precious life,
my forever wandering heart I can barely contain.
I am the moon that shines oh so bright
yet quite lonely in the dark
while the stars tease from miles away
dancing on clouds like upbeat glowworms.
I am my favorite architect
for I build myself each day.
Feeding on knowledge and wisdom
keeping my conscience from darkness away.
I am my worst enemy. Savage. Poison.
That deliberately ruins some of my days.
Giving in to anger and frustration
taking it out on myself in the worst possible ways.
I am that fiercely independent person,
who needs no companion or savior to survive.
Yet who laughs, wails, loves and hates with no regrets
watchfully keeping every emotion alive.
In the world where ruthless assassins await
to tame the souls as they please.
I refuse to give up my freedom of choice
and enjoy the adventure called life while mystic moments I seize.
While appearing for a job for the very first time, a couple of months back during our pre-placement training and mock interviews we were constantly given certain guidelines so as to frame a perfect answer to the question- “Tell me something about yourself.”
We were asked to start with our academic background and recent achievements, followed by family background, accolades and some other details. Even though I never objected to the format laid by them, I was constantly torn between being my real self( who is more of a dreamer than a realist) and someone who would nail the interview( by hiding all those things about myself which I was actually proud of). It felt gross when the trainers kept repeating the line that in order to bag a job you need to “sell yourself”. But isn’t that what we are used to doing ever since childhood? Trying to please our parents, teachers, friends and even strangers in the society.
During all this time while we are trying to please others by being not ourselves, but someone they would adore, we forget who we really are. We pretend to be someone else for so long that the skin we have climbed into sticks permanently and refuses to be removed. While making sure that others feel comfortable around us, we stray away from our own company.
Am I an introvert? egotist? Nah, I am a person who refuses to be intimidated by the world. I don’t make friends easily because I believe that peer pressure can destroy you as a person. Constantly being surrounded by people who mock your imagination just doesn’t suit me. Even though I am polite to everyone in general, I hardly enjoy the small talk. At times I enjoy loud music and crowds where I can’t hear my raging thoughts. And at times I pine to stay in solitude, where I can have the company of just my thoughts. Yes, I find myself confused and lost at times but I love the chaos that I am.
I am a person who does not take much pleasure in going by the stereotyped rules and beliefs. Despite of being warned during the mock interview to stick to my technical strengths and speak nothing but of academia, I spoke of my love for poetry and shamelessly admitted the fact that I enjoy reading literature more than my core papers. Even though there was a slight fear of being rejected, there was a sense of satisfaction and self-respect. It might have been an incidence of meager importance then, but it ultimately helped me in understanding the purpose of life. It’s all about finding your true self and being that person whether the stereotyped society approves of it or not.
Now, this is how I would describe myself in one line-
“I am a wild and troubled soul with a messed up mind who refuses to be tamed by the world out there.”