New Year Resolutions For 2016
As the tradition goes I sat pondering over my to-be resolutions on the New Year’s eve, while flipping through the leaves of previous year’s journal. As it lay there open and inviting I could not resist the temptation to go through each and every page in the utmost details trying to relive a few of the exuberant moments while patting myself on the back for all the times I succeeded in the tests laid for my patience and perseverance. Last year was an unrealistically salubrious mixture of good and bad experiences. And however badly I might have cursed my fate during those hardships I now feel that they were necessary. They HAD to happen to help me build the person I am NOW. A few hard but right decisions, persistence even when the going got tough, showing calmness on the surface even when the storm deep within kept getting worse day by day; while I was trying them I learned that it is not that bad as it seems. Believe me when I say that I started enjoying it after a while. When life throws at you unfortunate and ugly challenges at a breakneck speed and you start looking at the world through your ever moist eyes, life may not look that beautiful and worthy. But it is. It is as beautiful as it was always meant to be.
A short time back as I was battling through my furious mood-swings and never ending nervous breakdowns I looked at life as a burden I had to carry; breathing a mere compulsion. Right before our placement week, a couple of months back my body gave up and I suffered from the kind of fever that was not getting down even with the loads of pills I took. I had stopped talking to people and I could not ask for help. I could not share my plight and that was literally taking me down. I did not narrate what was going on to my own father who happens to be a doctor. I was feeling confused, frustrated and pathetic all the while. But my decision to persist still makes me happy beyond measures for I would not have been rewarded had I given up and did not even try. I am sure it was a test which the almighty had planned for me to appear. Before this I had never experienced any genuine challenges. Tough times I mean. Life had always been a bed of roses. No health issues, no family problems, no personal problems. I actually LIVED my life in these 4 years of B.Tech life. It seemed like life never got tired of throwing stones at me. And in an attempt to answer back I took up habits that magically helped me drown my sorrows for short blissful moments, however made me feel more pathetic and empty deep down as time passed by. Here is a plea for all the youngsters out there- never take help of alcohol, smoke, drugs or other such harmful stuff to overcome temporary states of misery. They corrupt you of the beauty of your life, they corrupt you of the most beautiful human emotions, the innocence you were born with.
Each and every experience in itself is benign. All of them are worth experiencing. As I am writing this I am smiling to myself. That wicked smile I had never smiled before. For now I feel that I am starting to understand the rules of the game. The only rule for the game of LIFE is- “There are no rules. I make my own set of rules and I have the complete freedom to break them, distort them, redefine them as many times as I wish.” I have the right to commit mistakes for if I don’t I’ll be living the same year of my life over and over again. And no doubt that would check my growth and creative ability. And ultimately the purpose of my life would be lost. Do I want to live the same year 75 times or more and call it a life? Well the voices ringing in my ears are screaming NO a thousand times. And ignoring my inner voice while I so obediently lay my ears to the rest of the world with patience would be the most unintelligent decisions I would ever make.
What life is it to have not experienced all possible human emotions? Not having the courage to risk your bed of roses to get a view of the world out there. The taste of your own warm blood gushing out of the flesh ripped apart. The music played by the strings of your own heart. The touch of magic and madness of nature. The smell of nostalgia.
No doubt I would encounter situations that would not always be in my favor. I may not always be able to win in each and every walk of life.I may stumble while walking through rough times. I may not have people always by my side to take care of me. I may fall, I may get wounded, I may cry like a baby, I may feel helpless and tired at times. But will I stop living? NO. That is how this game is played. No matter what, you gotta keep moving or you would lose. And who exactly wins in this game? Well all of them win who COMPLETE the game. They may not always be at their best. But if they keep going even when they are drained out of all the energy, that counts.
I already am hearing a thousand applauds, people screaming out my name in unison in the stadium I call my life, for I have played brilliantly they say. I see myself in peace, for I have made my presence count. I see myself content, for I have acknowledged the essence of life. So my only new year resolution this year is to be myself and keep playing my level best. However demotivating the audience becomes I would not quit the ground. Tons of bricks they may throw my way for I don’t try to fit into their stereotyped rules and expectations; I will create a mansion so magnificent and beautiful that even the wisest of them would doubt whether those are the same bricks I used to create my dream home that they had thrown with the intention of bringing me down. My stand will be firmly rooted for my inner voices would overpower those of the critics. MY VOICE is all that I need to hear. If the crowd cheers along, great! And if it doesn’t, even better. All that matters is I keep playing no matter what. I would not quit the game of life!